i miss you to the point of suffering until the minute you enter the room. than i hate you. i want you to shut up. your voice irritates me. your questions bug me. just be quiet, that’d be best. be quiet and exist in the same space as me, but don’t be. don’t become anything that bothers me. just settle down and agree. let me love you. let me hate you. be whatever i want you to be. and when you’re sick of it, when you feel your will calling you, leave. and once you leave, let everything ring with misery, and longing, and nostalgia. even if you’re out of sight and still in my space, you aren’t there. you’re gone. you’re potentially dead. i miss your voice now. where’d you go? i miss the memories of you and everything you are and were to me. you make me feel safe, you make me feel wanted, needed, special, important, powerful, whole. i suffer. everything plays like sad music to my ears, so dramatic everything becomes. being scared and being alone, now i need you here to comfort me. but don’t you come to close or you’ll make me want to scream. you don’t talk, don’t try to learn about me, don’t become close. be the memory, but exist. let me be selfish. let me learn the hard way. be. just be and let me.